It’s been a while and I know it’s not Friday – but I wanted to be early. Or maybe I’ll post again on Friday (I have time to schedule!). To be honest, I just forgot I had to blog; sorry! I was getting tired from work (I was super energetic before) but my workload has sometimes been more, sometimes less, but generally staring at a computer screen for about 8, 9 hours a day really tires me out. I started to wear glasses more often, but immediately felt that it weakened my eyes since they started to rely on the glasses. Nonetheless I still wear them sometimes (eg at the end of a long day) if I feel things look fuzzy and out of focus. Like now.
Most importantly when I get tired I get depressed and I stop myself from going anywhere. I prefer to stay home so I have literally no blogging material. I am no social butterfly – I prefer to just keep to myself about 80% of the time. It’s boring, but unfortunately it’s also me. I’ll grow out of it though, one day.
I thought that it would be a good idea to do a post like this. We all grow up with expectations, and set goals for ourselves, but does that even work? Do setting goals really help? Perhaps, but a lot of the time you don’t really know until you try things out. A lot of my goals are really just hopes but are empty considering I haven’t made enough effort.
1. Living daily to a schedule or a timetable
Remember as a kid you would have a timetable or a homework or study schedule so that you could study x hours/ minutes on one subject and then move onto the next? And remember how it (usually) never really worked? It happens even now.
As an adult (or a young adult… several years back) I would imagine myself working and living to a regular set routine or lifestyle where everything was laid out perfectly like the cutlery on a placemat. Now that technology allows you to do anything from wake you up in the mornings to remind you this or that, making yourself a schedule is as easy as 2 minutes on public transport. I tried it out the other day because I felt that it was so difficult to fit exercise into my schedule if I took into account that I needed about an hour to digest my meals before doing exercise. It all worked out okay… sacrificed a bit of sleep though on screen. And it never happened.
I know this is not the case for all people, but in my case, setting a timetable or schedule for myself does not work. Even if I set a schedule I seem to be running late and feel more stressed than if I hadn’t set myself a time limit for all things.
2. Achieved that perfect body/ lost that amount of weight
Let’s face it, I’m lazy. Seriously. I don’t have enough motivation to lose weight. Although I am constantly “dieting” and watching what I eat and try to make efforts to eat clean and whatnot (in fact I eat close to maybe 2% junk food out of my whole diet) I just really can’t lose all that much weight. The only times when I achieve it is when I am really stressed, depressed and a mess.
I rather be happy, healthy and everything. Thankyouverymuch.
I’ve been like this for about 6 years now. Accomplishment is only half way there, I must give myself credit for that. As a result I have a wardrobe full of jeans I can’t wear because they look like curtains on me.
3. Earning your dream wage
I always thought that I would be earning loads of money considering I was a pretty good student, got pretty good grades and had a seemingly gleaming educational history/ record that most employers would marvel at. In fact, it was so good that a lot of the places I applied for initially would reject me because I was over qualified.
A tertiary education and three years’ working experience later I am only just a tiny step closer to my “dream wage” but still off by 20%. A whopping 20%. What went wrong? Am I being too modest and asking for too little, or am I just under valuating myself that much? I have no idea, but not everything works out the way you want. Being an adult just simply sucks.
4. Not feeling the effects of ageing
When you were like 10, you wished you were 16. When you were 16 you wished you were 18 (for obvious reasons). When you were 18 you wanted to be 20. When you were 10 you used to think 20 was old, but now that you’ve reached 20 years of age you think to yourself “hey, I am actually still pretty young (I’ve still got it!!)”. When you were 20 you didn’t mind being 21 and when you were 21 you didn’t want to be any older.
I’m sure everything thinks that youth is this amazing force that preserves itself for a really long time until maybe the mid thirties when we all sort of agree it’s like young, but like, old-young. Now I am feeling the effects of ageing and I actually take somewhat good care of myself. I don’t do all nighters any more, I rarely sleep beyond 12:30am (usually I sleep at midnight or before), I get at least 7.5 hours of sleep (I would love 9, but I have too much news and stuff to catch up on daily) and I don’t drink or smoke.
Yet my eyes are going all fuzzy, I could swear I am starting to get fine lines under my eyes and a hint of dark eye circle – just a wee tad. I don’t get dark circles. Even after like 72 hours (?) on just 3 hours’ sleep I still didn’t get dark circles. Why am I starting to see that slight half or quarter tone change? Is it because my skin is thinning? (Dark eye circles are dark because that is the thinnest part of the skin on your face which is why it is more transparent and reflects the colour underneath, so what eye creams do is essentially thicken the skin in those areas, not change the colour unless you are concealing).
I’m starting to feel that my hair is thinning, my nails are brittle; there are just so many things I would have never expected at my age, and I know I’m not the only one. Who has experienced not needing a single drop of hand cream in their younger years and now needing to slather on plenty? It’s like “oh mid-twenties has passed here’s some dry skin for you – BAM”.
Well thanks for nothing. Ageing is real and it’s only a matter of if you choose to notice the changes your body is undergoing or ignore them. So when I was younger and thought that 26 was like still young, I hope I still look the same when I am in my thirties. I want to look crazy immortal and not age a single bit because that’s the way I want to roll. But yeah, I was not expecting this. But I need to adapt now since, well, my expectations were wrong.
5. Getting married
I had this hope that I would be dating for several years and then getting married at around now, that is, 26 years old. I think it’s a fair assessment and a rather ordinary path most people follow (or rather a pretty standard lifestyle). Here I am though, emotionally traumatised (still) and single. I’ve been reading articles about how young people and older people’s views vary about marriage in society and its (positive) impact on society. It seems that the generations now are more inclined to think that being single or unmarried does not affect or decline the quality of life.
I have to wholeheartedly agree and it is because of the changing social values. Everyone is independent these days and I no longer need to rely on someone else’s income to afford the things I want, or pay the bills I need to pay. I can do all that myself. There is just too much stress and turmoil if things in a relationship go wrong… and usually it’s over something petty. Of course there are so many wonderful benefits of having that special significant other, but at the moment my attitude towards this is largely apathetic. I don’t really care at the moment and I don’t really need a partner. I’m not sure if I want to invest in someone emotionally as much as I once did because I felt that my trust has been betrayed maybe one or two many times for me to open up to others.
So don’t set a time limit or age limit when to get married. It doesn’t work. Let the course of things happen naturally and take it as it comes. Maybe I will run off to Las Vegas at the end of the year, who knows? Rationally thinking though, chances of that are looking to be 0.01%. It’s about the same as the sky actually raining real cats and dogs, seriously.
I’m not saying that the above applies to everyone, but they certainly applied to me. Things just don’t really work out the way you were brought up to think – education does not equal moolah, and there is no real such thing as fate as you need to make things happen. For someone who is so impartial to these things, it’s no surprise I had no success in the five I have mentioned. All I can say if you have achieved any of the above, I must congratulate you for your hard work and dedication.
I actually had fun writing this post, it was like a breeze and over in no time. I will write up another post soon on just general life matters (since this what this blog is about… life as it is) and spare you all from major text blocks. I’m sure there are other things that people want to accomplish but realise things just don’t go as planned – please share them with me, because all these are interesting.
I had Malaysian food tonight and I am so dehydrated now because there must have been a zillion spices in the food I was eating, but alas I need to sleep and cannot drink any more 😦 had a great catch up over dinner though and I will happily get to sleep in tomorrow morning (yay!).