I think all my friends are ultimately good people. in high school I was in a fairly large group of friends – and then I transitioned to a small closely knit unit of just two – me and a friend. Of course we had other friends, but it was pretty much just us two. In a way, being with fewer people is good because it’s good to know someone well. It’s usually been the case like that, even throughout high school, there was always that one other person (at times, two) who I felt that I hung around more or spent more time with. Right now, I’m not really spending any time with any of my friends because I’m in a bit of a slump.
I think that I don’t really know my friends as well as I could, nor do I see them enough when I should be seeing them more. I think there’s a bit of a disparity between what reality is, and what I think of our friendships when I feel I’m close with someone, but I’m actually not. Most of the time this happens, so when I expect a bit more from a friend, but don’t get to see them much or spend time with them much, I get disappointed.
I think that my friends could be more mature – I’ve hung around people younger and it amazes me how immature they can be, so I can never really be friends with them. I think older friends will be beneficial for me – but I think age gaps can be quite awkward, which is what I’m experiencing right now at work. Everyone is older than me, yet I’m the one who bosses them around – I feel that I have no authority because I’m younger to an extent, but I make up for that with my temper. However, with my “mature” friends, they’re all getting engaged, or getting married if not about to have children, so there’s still a huge gap between us since we’re at completely different stages of life. Although I’m already in my mid twenties, I sometimes forget that and feel that I’m that kid who doesn’t really grow up.
I think my friends have talents in one way or another – be it an excellent photographer, artist, singer, dancer or intellectual being. If they possess none of the qualities mentioned in the previous sentence, they’re probably wealthy to some extent (though one I know of is wealthy without extent @_@).
Despite all this though, my friends have generally been good to me and have been for me when times have been rough, so I was never really truly alone. I’m always welcome to kind comments (even if they’re lies telling me how good I am when I’m not) at times when I’m down. My friends have really been there to pick me up out of the darkness, which is why I am always grateful to see them. If I complain “OMG I have to go and see so and so today what a waste of time”, I don’t mean it. I usually say the opposite of what I really think. If I really thought that, I wouldn’t make the effort to go see them.
Last but not least if any of my friends are reading this out there – I don’t mean to be cold. I know it takes forever for me to start talking and warm up to you all, but when I do, I have plenty to say. If I push you away, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you or anything so please don’t misunderstand me. I promise I’ll try to be a better friend from now on.
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