How awkward. I actually don’t know how to describe it because I haven’t exactly come across my “ideal” man yet – perhaps not in person. There are several factors for consideration, but I think the most important things that come to mind:
- Feeling or instinct that goes like “he’s the one”
- One who can keep their promises and stick by you no matter what
There are several other factors for consideration. I think there are a few stages that I went through. For argument’s sake, I’ll try to use my celebrity ideals as a perhaps more neutral way of expressing/ analysing things.
Ideal1: Boyish, yet strong charm
Some may or may not know, but I was and still am looking up to Toshiya, bassist of Japanese rock band DIR EN GREY. At the time when I first discovered Toshiya I was only 16. He was 27 at the time. Despite the age gap and the crazy fangirl in me, there was a surprising boyish charm about Toshiya that really intrigued me. He didn’t look 27 (at the time I thought 27 was pretty old – now I’m 2 years shy of it) – he looked like in his young twenties. At times, he was a beautiful man. He’s a lot different now (given he’s like 36 now – his voice has changed from mass tobacco consumption and he looks different because of the change of makeup). But if we consider the state he was at the time I was 16, he was an absolute gem.
I know there are a lot of things people say about bassists not getting much of the attention as say the vocalist or lead guitarist, but to me I always listened out for his bass line (oh so so so superb always, especially his bass solos which are rare but amazing). In video clips or magazine shoots my eyes would always be drawn towards him.
I think in this respect this has influenced a lot of my thoughts – an ideal man does not need to be a leader or the most popular, he simply needs to be the one who shines the brightest out of the lot and does what he does well. He needs to be stable and reliable, just like his bass line in each and every song.
My next celebrity up for discussion is TOP, rapper of South Korean hip hop? group Big Bang. TOP is very different in the respect that his voice is super deep and is completely different feel. A bit like a bass line, his flow is pretty sick at times and well, he’s impressive. Rather than being beautiful, he is probably better described as handsome. There’s still a boyish charm about him whenever he transforms into CHOOM TOP and he’s not afraid to be silly.
Toshiya is 178cm and TOP is 180cm. Both are smokers (well at least I think TOP is still one – not sure) and are musicians.
Ideal2: Element of surprise
I think when you describe an ideal type it is also determined by what’s in your imagination or what you seem to want.
A turning point was a few years ago when I had a strange dream (actually, I used to write about my dreams in a word document to remember dreams that particularly had impact on me – probably some potentially good blogging material – oh. On a more serious note, I have no idea where the file is though D: NUUUUU-).
In the dream I received a phone call – I was pretty flustered and for some reason I could see a small profile picture sized video of the person on the other end like the one you would see in MSN. The image was particularly small so I couldn’t see what he looked like, but from memory there was nothing special. Over the phone, he played the piano for me – and it was just an average song. But I was still nervous throughout and held onto the line wishing I could see what he looked like clearer.
In this instance, you have two options – (1) ah, guys who have some sort of music talent are attractive (2) it’s not what he did that mattered, it’s the fact that whatever he did was to make me happy, and it did.
The younger me naively trusted in option 1 and I genuinely thought that the dream was some sort of signal telling me that my significant other must have something to do with what I saw in the dream. Long story short, I got serenaded (sort of) in real life, but it wasn’t really what I was expecting. I’m a realist at heart and well, 2 is what explains everything. I think my ideal type doesn’t necessarily have to do something impressive to catch my attention. My ideal type doesn’t necessarily need to be eye candy at first glance. He just needs to know what can make me happy or feel at ease.
Ideal3: Acceptance and tolerance
To me, age isn’t really that big of a problem as it’s really just a number. However at times this seems to change; as much as I think my ideal type should be older than me, I’m still okay with guys who are younger as long as they can prove they aren’t an immature little shit. Immaturity is one of the things I hate the most (and yes, there is a difference between being boyish and being immature). When people tell me “hey I have someone to introduce to you, they’re 30” I get majorly freaked out because it sounds like a huge age gap. It’s actually not, and I tend to forget how young 30 actually is.
Aside from age, I think what’s important is a good mutual understanding. Someone who you can just talk to until the early hours of the morning and someone who can actually agree with you when you bad mouth about someone or feel you’ve been wronged. Someone who can accept me the way I am, and vice versa – it’s quite simple, really. Having said that though, my ideal type most likely will need to share quite a few common interests or have things in common for it to work – I know people say opposites attract or whatever, but trust me, it has not worked out for me.
Ideal4: Self-love, positivity and energy
This is a really funny category and I’m sure it makes no sense, but these are factors derived directly from myself.
I’m a pessimist. The first thing that comes to my mind whenever I screw up or someone screws up is what hell will be let loose. So what do I need? I need a chill pill or a vitamin that can make me think of unicorns and rainbows first before rainy skies and thunderstorms.
I also like people who take care of themselves and like to do exercise. I’m not saying I like guys with muscle – I am pretty indifferent about them unless the guy loses to me in a round of arm wrestling. I just think that guys who don’t exercise are kind of lazy – because I know when I don’t do exercise, I know I am lazy. I don’t like being lazy, but I just am, which is why I’m trying hard to change this. I would absolutely hate it if he were the same as my old me – absolutely hate it.
Start the accusations!
There is no such feeling as “they are the one”, that’s just some made up thing.
Some people may feel this way, and I don’t blame you. However, I know the feeling exists, because I’ve felt it before. Again, my head generally works more than my heart because I try to be as realistic as I can be. When I met “the one” (in quotations because I mean it as in the feeling and not literally) I suddenly couldn’t utter a word – and that has never happened to me before. Seriously, you open your mouth to say something, but no sound comes out. It’s a really weird feeling. But “the one” feelings aside for those curious about the ending to that story is I didn’t say anything because I value him greatly as a friend and would hate to lose our friendship.
I never said they didn’t, because they do; I can’t deny it. Just a list off the top of my head for ideal types – Yoon Shi Yoon, Kim Soo Hyun, Kim Jae Wook, Lee Min Ho, Hong Jong Hyun, Song Jae Rim, Joo Won – heck even Jang Dong Gun. But if you look at the list, they are all quite different. /massive shrug/
You didn’t actually pinpoint exactly what your ideal type is…
… and that’s the point. There’s a reason why I take longer than others to choose what I want to eat from the menu, or decide where to eat takes me about half an hour. I always change my outfit or shoes before I leave the house which makes me late. I’m just a very indecisive person. /massive shrug number 2/
ANYWAY – Well, that was a pretty pointless post. I hope you all enjoyed reading through it anyway! I’m sure a lot of you may have similar thoughts, ideas or experiences leading to whatever your ideal type is. It’s different for everyone and rightfully so. But I think the most interesting thing is that document with my dreams documented in it – where the heck is it?! I need to find it.
Next post: My Favourite Song.