Movie: Ninja Assassin

This movie I think is rated MA15+. If you have a faint heart and do not like gruesome, violent details, stay away from this movie and refrain from reading reviews.

For a less biased opinion and a general synopsis with no spoilers, visit this page instead: (wikipedia has spoilers)

Img Cr: 

So I got this movie from Ramille and I decided to watch it since C was saying how there was a lot of abs and hotness eminating from Rain (momjjang-wise), and R was saying how a lot of the scenes were done by Rain.

Please don’t read this review if you haven’t seen this movie. Unless you want to read spoilers.

Okay, given that this movie is quite disturbing in nature, I have to give this movie credit for the gore and blood, but I also have to take a huge minus for the excessive amounts of blood on screen that were implausible and almost comical at times.

One scene I see Lee Joon drenched completely in blood (wearing a white jacket, saturated with blood) and the next scene you see him under rain with his jacket back to white with bits of red on it. For those who have done the laundry before, that’s not something rain/Rain (hohoho) can clean up so easily.

Though the reference is crude, Rain’s ability to regenerate human tissue at frightening rates is just satisfying all sorts of gory desires for those who enjoy the idea of torture. I just found it incredibly appalling (NB: I did NOT write appealing). There was nothing particularly spiritual or cool about it – it was gruesome and once again, unbelievable. He got hacked into and slashed so many times any average person would have died from blood loss already, not to mention running around like urban ninja and moving between storeys in an industrial factory setting where there are… lots of rusty metals which could make you prone to tetanus.

The only other person who can regenerate themselves into so many lives apart from horrible references to possibly Japanese manga (of a not so nice genre) is Xiao Xiao, our shaolin stick figure superstar, powered by both an Energizer and a Duracell battery combined.

The final scene to me was the most ridiculous. He was seriously getting his ass pwned by his ‘master’ and then out of nowhere he suddenly pulls the ninja disappearing act. DUDE – why didn’t you do that beforehand? And the funny thing was that he was even faster than his master who was doing it – slightly aged, but uninjured, which is a huge advantage. Then the final scene where Rain kills him was like – WUT? Stabbing into the collarbone and then that warrants killing him? If it was my directed movie, I would have stabbed the knife down the centre of the skull down so his head would be a little fountain of blood, like this one, only spurting red:

Img Cr: (Hyde Park Fountain, Sydney – only spurting red water. And the fountain would be a head, not a fountain.)


Unfortunately it wasn’t as fun as I’d hoped for the ending, but the fighting scenes were pretty good. Some bits were very obviously computer generated, but otherwise it was cool. I liked the shurikens and it was good insight. Their hand movements reminded me of Naruto and trust me, I haven’t even watched Naruto before, so it’s gotta be right!

Another thing that I thought was completely off in this movie was that the ninja training camp was in Osaka, Japan. If I’m not mistaken, the majority of the movie was set in America oops sorry, meant to write Berlin/ Germany- and then when he got abducted back to the training camp – uh – what? From Germany to Japan in a truck? ErmzIdunthinkso.

Overall there were just some things that didn’t make sense and they weren’t as fun as they could have been. I think the highlight for me was seeing a pool of red oozing from a front loader washing machine, but even so, come on, seriously. Have you ever loaded your washing machine to have the water come out? No, right? Because washing machines are designed to keep liquid inside to wash whatever’s inside and it’s watertight. THEN WHY IS BLOOD AN EXCEPTION?

Img Cr: – seriously, if liquid oozes out of the lid while your clothes are being washed, I suggest you need to replace your washing machine. It’s not working right.

Oh and the scene when he kills the guy who lovingly calls him “little brother” – one little tap of the knife and blood is gushing out like mad. Every time I think of the blood on set I think of how many extra blood donations there could be in the world.

Anyway, jokes aside, it was an engaging ninja movie. Slightly cheesy portrayal of the oriental (which really isn’t necessary these days, but hey, it’s Hollywood – seriously!) and even their accents were choppy (I guess it was to make out that English isn’t their first language or whatever, but I guess it’s good that the winner in the end was Asian anyway).

Despite the little hiccups, I think Rain did a good job – he trained hard (I wasn’t digging his hair style though, shaggy 80s bob >_>), spoke his English well (though sounded eerily sultry whilst speaking it – close your eyes and he could do an excellent voice over for Dracula) and suited the role well and did a really believable job. Well done and big props to him! The general idea of the movie was good and made sense, but the Japan/ Germany on a truck – mmm – geography needs to be retaken methinks. I’m pretty sure there’s a body of water in between the two, and no underpass. Unless it’s a secret underpass that we all didn’t know about. Hmmm let’s not dig into that too deep or else a conspiracy might arise.

Love it, hate it? Did you realise all the inconsistencies, or do you realise them now? 😀

Until next blog!


Share your thoughts (comments will be moderated before they appear):

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s